RK - Bathroom sex is NOT overrated

...though it can be cramped. Those twelve seconds you wait for the huge glass door to fog up after you've secured the latch, seem to last forever.

Thoughts race through your mind quicker than a drunken suburban teenager's Honda Civic. "Will my real girlfriend see me in this SoHo bar bathroom with this bridge and tunnel jersey slut?" Worse yet, "Will my friend see me with his girlfriend?"

Yes, they are one in the same, and both very important things to worry about. In a city of millions of people, somehow you always run into the wrong people at the wrong times. None the less, you don't let these thoughts slow you down. Your letting your dick do all the thinking anyway, and he's telling you there is no way anybody you know is going to catch a glimpse of you in this vexing situation. You already have your excuse. "The stalls were full, we're friends, we're sharing a stall, I'll piss in the sink while she snorts a line off the back of the toilet" bingo bubba, you're in, there is no way anybody in their right mind would not believe that.

Of course in Lower Manhattan, no one is in their right mind. These are all moot points. If you're paying for this girls (guys/animals/transvestites) drinks all night you better damn sure be getting free sex out of the deal. And that brings me to the start of my review.

Bar 89

89 Mercer St.,
New York, NY 10012
212-274-0989

There South of Houston, on Mercer Street, lies a bar containing bathrooms which were rated the "BEST bathrooms to have sex in, in ALL of New York City" This little bar, nestled between Ugg Boot stores which have lines to get in longer than the lone porta-potty at a Jethro Tull concert, and a boutique that sells clothing for yuppie purse rats that the nouveau rich of the upper east side call dogs. This is Bar 89.

The 89 comes from it's address on mercer street. My favorite thing about this place is the food. A wide variety of gourmet junk food, in particular the "china's little chicken" sandwich. You put broccoli and chicken together on a sandwich and I'm sold bubba, you better believe it. My least favorite thing about this bar is the fact that they have no beers on tap. Bottles only. I can drink a bottle of beer from a Korean market on the street pal, I don't want to pay three times that for some struggling foreign actor to pour it into a fucking glass.

So word to the wise, stick to the hard stuff, you're going to need it if you're going to convince that Jersey trash to go down on you in that three by three closet called a bathroom on the second floor. She'll need at least three or four mojitos (they make a good mojito) if you're going to make her believe that the see through glass door on the bathroom that u took her in to soil her innocence (lets face it, if she's from jersey, there is a 99% chance it's been soiled long before) will fog up within seconds of latching it shut.

You'll need at least six or seven southern peach teas (sweet teach, peach nectar and peach stoli) to convince yourself to fuck this trash bag without a rubber. 150 dollars plus tip later, you leave knowing that the magazine or blog you read that told you "if you really want to have sex in a bar bathroom, than bar 89 is your brand of whiskey" was dead on...

Mahalo

-RK